Atilla's Most Torturous Moves, Version Two-Point-OW!


Atilla just keeps comin' on up with stuff. We started this week with a full-body, cross-training, intervalic (it's a word now) wonderland of yowza. Because I care, and because I want to complain and she's sick of listening to me, I hereby share part of that workout with you. This is one circuit we did today. Between the second and third exercises, I ran on the treadmill until I felt like dying. You can have a brownie instead if you want; Atilla didn't bring any, so I had to run instead.

Ready? Get warmed up, and here we go!

1. Evil Step Squat Thingies She Just Made Up Last Night:

First, grab a pair of hand weights and a step. The hand weights don't have to be heavy (I used eight-pounders for the first two sets, then ten pounds for the last) and the step doesn't have to be very high.

Place your left foot--with your toes pointing straight ahead--on the step. With your right foot, step forward into a lunge. Then step backwards into a wide-stance squat and curl those hand weights up. Straighten your arms back down and step backwards into a reverse lunge.

That's one.

Do it nine more times. Start screaming at about rep seven. Switch legs and do it all over again, with screaming.

2. Nasty Tricep-Press and Bench-Press Combo

This is what you'll do as the second part of your circuit. Lie back on the step and have somebody hand you a bar with, say, twenty pounds on it (if you're me). Bend your elbows so the bar is slightly behind your head and your forearms are parallel to the floor, as though you were actually in a tricep-press machine.

Now press the weight forward until it's even with and above your nipple line.

Now press it up as though you're doing a bench-press. Bring the weight back down and press it backwards over your head again to the starting position.

That's one. You only have nineteen more to go... ... ...in your first set!

3. Foul Shoulder Horrors

After you've run as fast as you can for thirty seconds, grab a pair of fairly heavy-for-you weights.

Assume the squat position, feet shoulder-width apart. Bend over slightly while tightening your stomach muscles. Love this position, because that's where you'll stay.

Bend your elbows to a slightly-less-than-ninety-degree angle, and bring the weights up to even with your shoulders before you swing them back again, elbows still bent, in a controlled manner back to your sides.

Whimper slightly. Do nineteen more.

4. Aaaaand repeat!

I guarantee after this is all over that you'll feel wonderful. It's helpful to have somebody with you, because--and I can't say this strongly enough--it's *vital* that you have somebody to cuss at remind you to keep your toes straight during the lunges and have a spotter at the ready to catch the weight during the tricep/bench press thing in case your muscles give out.

I am now going to go eat a brownie.

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