Clumsy Fitness?

*tap* *tap* Er...hello? Hi!

Can you all... ....sorry. Can you all hear me at the back?

Thanks. (adjusts microphone)

I'm Jo, from Head Nurse and The Wednesday Whine. Crabby invited me over here to do some posting, not knowing that not only am I almost as grouchy as she is about exercise, fitness, and livin' right, but also that I might possibly be the most clumsy exerciser in the history of ever. And the least dedicated. And the most resentful. And the fondest of poutine, large slabs of meat, and Scotch.

I have a dog named Max, two cats, and a trainer I call Attila. All of these characters figure prominently in the clumsiness department, less so in the "large slabs of meat and Scotch" department, and not at all when it comes to poutine. I share my poutine with noone.

"So," you're probably asking yourself, "how clumsy and resentful is she, really?" Well, let me tell you:

Attila and I have been together for three years now. In that three years, I've taken one really spectacular sideways fall (over a step), one particularly nice backward roll (off an incline bench), and a truly incredible faceplant (off a stability ball). So far I've not fallen into Attila, but it's only a matter of time.

Last night, she devised an exercise so awful, so evil, so demanding of balance, coordination, and strength, that it's probably covered under the Geneva Conventions. This is how it goes:

Strap on a pair of three-pound ankle weights. Grab a couple of ten-pound barbells. Now squat while holding the barbells down by your sides. So far, so good, right?

While coming up out of the squat, lift your hands (with the barbells still in them, sorry) up over your head in a sort of lat-fly movement, while doing a side leg-lift.

It's to my credit that I managed to not-quite fall down while executing that move. It's to Attila's credit that she managed to keep her hilarity level down to a soft snicker. I asked her, point-blank, if she'd brought in this new idea in order to see if I'd fall over while trying it, and she admitted that yes, it had been a while since I'd done something really funny, and she was getting bored.

So, even if I'm grouchy and resentful, I seem to be good for something. I'm hoping I can be good for something here, too, even if it's only to give Crabby something to laugh at.

Thanks for the welcome messages below, by the way! I love Merry's writing and will miss her, and I can't ever hope to fill her shoes. Even if I tried, I'd probably slip and take a tumble in them.

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