Evil Non-Dairy People

Okay, so I might sound a bit cranky today, but only because it's over 100 degrees out today and I had to work on the third floor of a stuffy office because the air conditioning broke down and the windows don't open and nobody loves me and everybody hates me and ... well, look, I'm just cranky.

It is completely unreasonable to expect a hot, cranky female to write a cheerful post. Forget Merry Sunshine, this is her evil twin cousin Merry Fix-the-friggin'-air-conditioning-NOW-psycho-beotch.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, People Who Don't Do Dairy (PWDDD).

You can't spot a non-dairy person on the street. Oddly enough, they look like everyone else, only more so.

And no, I don't care what your mother told you, you cannot catch non-dairy-itis by swimming in a community pool.

And yes, trust me, PWDDD have heard all the arguments about how dairy will take care of all your calcium needs as well as prove you're a red-blooded American/Canadian/Mesopotamian.

Some facts about PWDDD that you might not know:

- they do not have horns, a forked tail, and scales underneath their clothing
- they very rarely sacrifice live babies in arcane and mystic rituals
- they can and frequently do get adequate calcium from other sources

Honestly, you'd think it was an actual crime punishable by scorn, the way some people react. PWDDD are treated as if they were putting on airs or something.

Yes, I'll say it: dairy-airs.
(No, I have no shame. Too cranky.)

When confronted with a non-dairy person, some people get annoyed on a fundamental level. Especially if you're not eating cheese every 34.5 seconds. You'd think I'd smeared brie across the American flag and threatened to stomp on it. It's a fermented milk product, people! Not an icon! The Dairy marketing people have brain washed y'all. Sheesh.

Oh come on now. Be honest. You going to look me in the monitor and say, with a straight face and a clear conscience, that you've never looked askance at someone who embraces an alternative cow lifestyle?

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